


the natural categorization of things

by trepidtorrent



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, Holding Hands, Light Angst, M/M, i am not sure if this is considered pining, i feel bad for using yachi here, kurotsukki mentioned in passing, sprinkle of yamayachi, they are dumb bestfriends, tsukki believes dinos had hair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:22:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24959074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trepidtorrent/pseuds/trepidtorrent
Summary: a lot of things just naturally fall into two categories: affirmative, and negative. for example: what you remember, what you don't, what's okay and what's not, what you've learned and what you have not, what you hold on to, and what you do not (will not hold on to, or deliberately choose to let go of, maybe there's a difference, but no one is really sure).tl; dr: tsukkiyama hold hands somewhere here
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	the natural categorization of things

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote 80% of this while shitting on the toilet

originally titled: **I'M IN LOVE WITH MY BESTFRIEND BUT I'M TOO PUSSY TO TELL HIM AND MAYBE I WILL DIE A USELESS GAY OH GOD…** _(yamaguchi tadashi)_

a lot of things just naturally fall into two categories: affirmative, and negative. for example: what you remember, what you don't, what's okay and what's not, what you've learned and what you have not, what you hold on to, and what you do not (will not hold on to, or deliberately choose to let go of, maybe there's a difference, but no one is really sure). 

tongue tied

tsukishima kei is kinda cool, yamaguchi remembers thinking on one (far from) fine afternoon with his shorts collecting sand from the playground thanks to his bullies. he also remembers the guy just outright saying 'lame', although it still isn't clear to him who he had been referring to that day. the fact that he had been able to say that in front of the bullies though, was still so cool to yams.

on another occasion—one where yamaguchi has time to pause and absorb the moment (he is in his pajamas and tsukki is somewhere in the house either taking a long piss or maybe one big shit)—he remembers thinking tsukishima kei is a company his anxiousness can tolerate and even enjoy (except when tsukki pushes his _'dinosaurs could have been covered with hair and we would never know'_ agenda that makes yamaguchi feel light-headed) when they talk about everything and nothing, depending on the time of day. 

what yamaguchi _doesn't_ remember is when it started; he would look at his best friend and not see his best friend. he would see a lanky ~~pretty~~ nerd disguised under snarky comebacks and a face that couldn't give more than two fucks if a rat ate hinata shouyo's toe (or anyone else's toe from class for that matter), and it made him choke on thin fucking air. it was so ridiculous. but in actuality, when the two are hanging around at the other's house watching godzilla, yams would also see his best friend, and that was even more ridiculous.

hate that you know me

yamaguchi has only felt intense, pure rage two times in his twenty-two years of existence. one was when sam, the dog from that one will smith movie, died. the other one was when tsukishima kei had taken an interest in kuroo fucking tetsurou whom yamaguchi had never even seen after the spring playoffs. but apparently, tsukki and him had exchanged numbers, and had been going out every now and then.

now this was _okay_ territory. tolerable. maybe the thought of it hurt a little, but they were best friends. yamaguchi had rights, but they were limited rights. and as for that moment it was enough for him.

it was _NOT_ okay territory when kei tsukishima had launched yamaguchi into the over-protective best friend mode that slightly bordered on scolding boyfriend mode, except that they were _not_ boyfriends and yamaguchi could _not_ scold a teary-eyed tsukki crumpled in his moon-printed blanket when it was his first time seeing him like this. words weren't needed, yamaguchi had more or less an idea of what happened even if the blonde wouldn't budge.

what yamaguchi _could_ do at the time was grab the tv remote beside the half-empty kleenex box in the floor, and put on godzilla. they had huddled together on tsukki's bed that night until they had fallen asleep, yam's head on tsukki's shoulders and the latter's head atop yamaguchi's soft green hair. a tiny bubble of them and them alone, away from the outside.

strawberries and cigarettes

the entirety of late high school and early college was tsukishima kei grasping at yamaguchi tadashi's hand (figuratively, sadly) while he was unlearning kuroo. if he were unloving (was that even a thing) him too, he wouldn't know. wasn't sure if he could do it when the man had done so much that it was impossible to turn around a corner and not get reminded of him. it was unfuckingfair.

but when tsukishima finally has the opportunity to holds yams' hand (literally) during some stupid college trust game that involved going through a set-up maze inside a spacious and very dim gymnasium, he is caught off-guard. this was something he had _not_ learned in their years of friendship, but it was warm and it was nice, and he wanted to learn more; had yamaguchi always been this warm? had his hands always been so soft and uncalloused, and just—comfortable? _this is so fucking cheesy oh god i can not believe this._ tsukishima kei had wished to descend straight down to the ninth circle right here right now. the cave swallowing him alive was also an option—but not with yamaguchi along. tsukishima's cheeks are tinged with a rosy color in the dark. 

(break)

years stupidly pass without one telling the other anything. shots were passed in almost every different occasion, application papers were passed, cigarettes in between breaks of whatever they were doing were passed, secret glances that the other would ridiculously never catch were passed, a lot of things passed. maybe even feelings, like tsukishima's for kuroo. or the unspoken thing between tsukki and yams. neither one were quite sure. neither one weren't even sure they wanted it to pass. hitoka yachi passes by yamaguchi tadashi. tsukishima kei feels a pang of hurt, and this one, does not pass.

(continue)

tsukishima doesn't need a dramatic silly confrontation from yams. when hitoka yachi glances at the freckled boy and sends a soft, warm, smile, tsukki knows that she is everything he is not to the other boy. his coldness and indifference is an old thing, trampled by yachi's warmth and emotional expressiveness.

"hey! you're watching the match too huh," karasuno's former manager—the blonde one, yachi—appears from behind yamaguchi.

"tsukki! how have you been?" 

no, it hasn't been years, not even months, nor weeks. just days that felt really long for both of them.

tsukishima kei remembers some existing feelings in the crevices of his childhood memories, accepts that it's okay, learns that it may never really go away, and holds on to it (albeit the absence of any kind of urgency).

"just here to see how less of a klutz karasuno's greatest decoy is now." tsukishima replies with the usual indifference in tone.

he and yamaguchi locks eyes once again. 

yamaguchi more or less remembers his clumsy fall for his best friend, knows that that's okay too, and learns that it isn't easy but you can always pick yourself back up, and he—he does not choose to hold on. if he won't or if he had deliberately chosen to let go, that's something only he would know.

if only more words were spoken, maybe yams wouldn't have felt the need to stop holding on. because ever since junior school and the many years that followed, his world had never known peace with the thought of tsukishima kei not wanting him back. it made it too unbearable to hold on to such feelings, and every second he had spent thinking of that thought just renders him completely out of breath each and every time—not even the good kind, but the worst one.

yet as long as they are holding on either willfully or even in denial, a gray area will always exist there. common ground. it shakes and moves and shifts. but it stays. it stays when yamaguchi tadashi sits beside tsukishima kei, and it will most probably stay when they part once again. 

_almost_ all things just naturally fall into two categories: affirmative, and negative. for example: what you remember, what you don't, what's okay and what's not, what you've learned and what you have not, what you hold on to, and what you do not (will not hold on to, or deliberately choose to let go of, and there's a difference, tsukishima kei and yamaguchi tadashi would find that out someday, some time, some place).

**Author's Note:**

> this work was brought to you by me shitting on the toilet and also user @suqcwara on twitter dropped this prompt on my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/suburbianchrist) so i had to do it (plus i really wanted to write tskym holding hands haha... aha...) except that i followed 10% of the prompt and just shat out an otherwise self-indulgent fic. @suqcwara, i am Sorry.
> 
> ANYWAYS tell me how it was :DD if u wanna scream directly at me i am always available 24/7 to duel with at my [twitter](https://twitter.com/toorundoru).
> 
> hope you enjoyed reading!


End file.
